


An Understood Thing

by angstilicious



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Deaf Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Deaf Character, Light Angst, Logan is hard on himself, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Self Loathing, Slight Ableism, Slow Build, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulphrases, analogical - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstilicious/pseuds/angstilicious
Summary: Logan prided himself on knowing everything there was to know. One thing he didn't understand was why the universe gave him the most frustrating soulphrase on Earth?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 265





	An Understood Thing

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed any tags feel free to let me know. I take criticism decently well. I did some research on deaf people to make it more realistic but if something isn't right again feel free to comment. Other than that enjoy this caffeine induced work

Logan did not like not knowing. If something existed that he didn’t know about, he could not rest until he found satisfactory answers. This brought problems of course, like when he was eight and asked his parents what people meant by the birds and the bees. They told him to wait until he was older to talk about it. Logan didn’t like not knowing though so he stole their laptop and is, to this day, still traumatized.

Yes, Logan didn’t like not understanding something, which is why his soulphrase was the most irritating thing on this planet.

Everyone got a soulphrase at birth. Most people got a common “Hello” or “Nice to meet you” while others got weird ones. His friend Patton’s phrase was “Begone you foul beasts.” Luckily it turned out the phrase wasn’t directed at him but the bullies who were picking on him. That’s the day he met Roman and they’ve been disgustingly cute together ever since. So Logan did understand how sometimes the phrase didn’t make sense until it actually comes to past, but his phrase was probably the strangest of all. Actually, no, he’s willing to bet it is the strangest phrase. It doesn’t make sense. Who upon meeting him would say such a phrase?

_I hate it._ He thought, staring at his chest in the bathroom mirror. _It’s illogical._ He’s run through every single scenario for every possible meeting including one where they meet in space and nothing matches with what his body is telling him.

He stares at the words with contempt, because there written right below his left pec were the words, **_I love you._**

“It doesn’t make sense.” He knows that, having said it thousands of times already.

_Who upon meeting me will proclaim their love for a stranger?_

He thinks maybe it could someone like Roman because that is definitely something up his alley, but he feels in his gut that isn’t right. Plus, he cares deeply for Roman as a friend, but the idea of having to deal with two of them sends shivers down Logan’s spine.

He sneered at the taunting words once more before putting on his sleep shirt and heading to bed. He left for college tomorrow after all.

College went the same way as high school did. Logan threw himself into his studies and refused to look in the mirror anymore. He never went to anything involving less than his semi-formal attire and ignored the pain on his ribs whenever he saw soulmates walking back and forth, holding hands and saying those infernal words to one another.

He was enjoying college, really, he was. His roommate was tolerable and left him be. He didn’t know much about the small emo, except he was deaf and always wore a gigantic black and purple hoodie no matter the weather.

Move in day he said a simple hello to his dark apparel wearing roomie and went about his way. Logan didn’t even learn he was deaf until two months later when he asked the other one what his name was seeing as he forgot to ask earlier. His parents would’ve scolded him for his rudeness if they were here. Although when the other boy didn’t answer, Logan scoffed thinking how inconsiderate until he tapped the boy on the shoulder and the emo jumped and turned to him with wide eyes.

Logan rolled his eyes, and asked again, slower, “What is your name?”

The boy stared at him for a second before signing out what was presumably his name and that’s when it hit Logan that he was the asshole. He froze like a deer caught in headlights and he fought a blush rising to his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were deaf.”

The boy watched his mouth move, so Logan assumed he could read lips, but the look Logan received after made him feel stupid for the first time since starting school.

“I, um, I didn’t read the, um, info… on you. I’m extraordinarily sorry. It was inconsiderate of me.” Logan felt his face burning and he wanted nothing more to run out the door but he had to make things right seeing as this miscommunication is obviously his fault.

The boy slowly shook his head and started signing something but stopped when he saw confusion on Logan’s face. Another feeling he hasn’t had in a long time. They both stood there staring until Logan held up a finger. He went and grabbed his notepad and his blue pen before walking back to his roommate. He held out his findings and the other boy took them cautiously.

“I’ll work on learning sign language so we can better communicate but for now I figured we… I mean you, could, um, write down the answers.” He laughed awkwardly as the other one continued to stare at him untrustingly. “Unless you don’t want to of course. We could forget it if that makes you more comfortable. Or Morse code. I know Morse code. I learned it when I was sent to boy scouts because my parents thought I needed to get out of the house and interact with other kids more. It didn’t work of course because I’m not much of an outdoor person, you see. I kept to myself most of the time, but I did learn a lot of stuff about camping and what you can and can’t eat in the woods. Like did you know…”

Logan trailed off when he saw his companion was waving him off and held up one finger to signal he needed a minute. He flipped open the notepad and wrote in what Logan considered chicken scratch, **talking too fast.** The boy then paused and seemed to think for a second before adding, **My name is Virgil.**

He handed the notepad back to Logan who sighed and continued talking, slower this time. “I apologize. I ramble when I get nervous. But it is very nice to formally meet you Virgil.

Logan wasn’t the best when it came to reading human emotions, his friend Patton was far superior in that aspect, but Logan was almost 100% sure he saw Virgil’s mouth twitched up before nodding and turning back to his homework and Logan felt his own face light up just a bit as he thought how maybe he could make a friend yet.

~~~~

It took some time but by the end of their first year of college Logan and Virgil were good friends. Logan took out every single book on sign language and studied them like his life depended on it. He’ll never forget the first time he sign back to Virgil, it was a simple phrase asking if he wanted food from the cafeteria, but Virgil looked like a child on Christmas and his reaction only made Logan want to learn more.

Once he ran out of books and became practically fluent (he still messed up and made Virgil laugh extremely hard when Logan asked if he has seen his Gallaudet, when he meant glasses) Logan took to the internet and learned all he could about being deaf. He wanted to be a good friend for the boy who forgave him so easily. That’s what he told himself whenever he would click on another post from a blog made by a deaf lady who wanted to educate the world on how deaf people are not helpless. Logan also told himself the feelings he got in his stomach whenever Virgil smiled at him were simply because he needed more sustenance.

It was another few months before Logan learned that Virgil had anxiety. So he did the only logical thing and went back to the library and cleared out anything dealing with anxiety as well. He learned not to sneak up on Virgil. Instead whenever he entered their room he flicked the lights to let Virgil know he was not longer alone. In turn Virgil became more aware of his noisy eating habits, because Logan couldn’t focus on anything when he heard slurping and crunching and ugh. They became close friends and when their first year started to come to a close Logan hesitantly asked Virgil if they could room together next year. Virgil’s smile was enough of an answer and Logan lied to himself when his heart did a flip flop. He might have to go to a doctor if it keeps that up.

Logan introduced Virgil to Patton and Roman over the summer when they found out they didn’t live too far apart, and Patton was just so darn happy Logan made a friend all by himself (he pretended that comment didn’t sting a little). Patton immediately adopted Virgil into their little group while Roman, though he tried, couldn’t seem to grasp the whole not being able to hear thing. Slowly and with plenty mistakes, the other two friends learned some sign language (not as fluent as Virgil and Logan but enough to get by) and they learned how best not to spook their emo nightmare.

The four spent most of the summer together in Patton and Roman’s apartment only leaving one another to visit family. Before they knew it, Logan and Virgil were packing back up for college.

Logan took up piano and Virgil spent many hours watching Logan’s hands fly across the keys. Eventually Logan convinced Virgil to give it a try. Logan would be lying if he said he wasn’t amazed at how fast Virgil picked it up. Logan couldn’t deny the warm feeling in his chest. He was just so proud of his friend who remained so soft despite the world handing him the shitty end of the stick; and he’s not talking about Virgil being deaf, that’s simply apart of who he is. But one night, Logan took Virgil out stargazing and pointed out all the constellations and their stories. Virgil ended up telling him most of his life story that night. How his parents didn’t want a “defective child” (in their terms) and left Virgil when he was four. How his aunt raised him alongside her own kids and worked so hard to give him a normal life. How he was bullied for being different and how he had to fight to be treated as an equal wherever he went. Logan truly was in awe of his friend, his best friend if he was being truthful. They laid there under the stars until the sun starting poking though and they dragged their weary bodies back to the dorms. It’s one of Logan’s most treasured memories.

~~~~

Four years they spent practically inseparable. Graduation snuck up on them along with Logan’s feelings. He knew he couldn’t ignore them forever. He cared for Virgil, much more than a friend, but he also knew they couldn’t be together. Logan had a soulmate out there somewhere, a strange one, but still. He couldn’t lead Virgil along like that, especially knowing that Virgil didn’t have a mark. It was uncommon but sometimes did happen. One more thing for Virgil to feel insecure about. Logan hated the universe. It gave someone like him a soulmate who tells strangers that he loves them but gives someone as sweet as Virgil nothing. _It wasn’t fair._ Yes, Logan knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he also knew he was right. Virgil deserved someone as amazing as him and Logan hated that it couldn’t be him. Not that he thought he was as amazing as Virgil because he knew better but he wanted nothing more than to give Virgil the world and that fact slapped him in the face as he came to a realization.

_I love Virgil._

He said it to himself again and again until he was sobbing because he did love Virgil. He’s known that for a while now, but only now decided to face the truth. And so Logan cried in their dorm for a boy he could never have.

When Virgil came home, he assumed Logan to be asleep on the couch until he saw a small shake of his head. He happily approached only to stop dead in his tracks seeing Logan’s puffy face and the mountain of tissues accumulated at his feet.

**What happened?** He signed, trying to not have an attack because Logan needed him now, but om my gosh he’s never seen Logan like this, and he was crying and oh no.

Logan slowly removed his blankets from the cocoon he made and signed back, _Nothing._

Virgil rolled his eyes. **It’s obviously not nothing.** He gave a slight pause before adding. **I won’t judge you but if something’s bothering you I’d like to help.**

Logan sighed, _I don’t want you to hate me._

Virgil moved to sit by Logan’s feet and softly started to massage them in hopes to get his friend to relax. **I could never hate you.** And it was true, Virgil could never hate the person who meant everything to him.

Another sigh escaped Logan, _‘Might as well get it over with,’_ he thought. ‘ _At least he can’t yell at me for being a complete idiot.’_ He signed Virgil to watch his mouth because he had a lot to say. Virgil looked at him with such a soft expression that Logan almost lost his nerve, ‘ _No! He deserves to know what a horrible friend you are.’_

Logan made sure to talk at a normal pace. “I’ve been having…. Feelings for you. Ones that go beyond an average friendship.” He looked at Virgil to see his eyes widening and quickly continued, closing his eyes tightly. “I know it’s not fair of me to put this on you and I tried to deny the feelings for the longest time because I didn’t want to lead you on or put pressure on our friendship but I really care for you, like a lot and I don’t want to throw our friendship away and…” Logan jumped slightly at the feeling of a hand on his and hesitantly opened his eyes to find Virgil’s pale hands holding his own. Virgil had tears in his eyes and Logan felt the air leave his lungs because he just made the man he loved cry and now Logan started tearing up and whispered a soft, “I’m sorry.”

He tried to take his hands back, standing up as he did so, but Virgil grabbed them like a lifeline. Logan glanced down at the smaller man who held a finger up to him. Logan sat back down, his head hung down in shame, waiting for the rejection that was about to come. He got lost in his own thoughts when a cold finger tilted his chin upwards and he reluctantly looked to his best friend to see Virgil… smiling.

No that couldn’t be right because Virgil was supposed to be mad at him. Logan shook his head but the smile was still there.

Virgil took his hands back and started to shakily sign. **Logan. I feel the same way.**

Now Logan was sure he had to be dreaming so he asked Virgil too repeat himself. The answer was the same.

**I feel the same way.**

Both men were crying again, but both had ridiculous smiles on their faces, and then they were hugging each other tightly for if they didn’t the other might slip away. After what felt like hours, Virgil pulled away and wiped at his eyes.

**We have a lot to talk about.**

_Yes we do._

But for now, they lay on the couch holding hands and thanking whatever deities might exist for allowing each other into their lives.

The next day was spent having a conversation about when each man developed feelings and what they were going to do about Logan’s soulphrase, which Virgil still has yet to see as it’s still a touchy subject for Logan, but they worked out the major details and decided to order take out and cuddle on the couch. Virgil drifted off first and Logan lay there thinking that no matter who his soulmate is, he’s never leaving Virgil’s side, because he loves him so much it physically hurts. He kisses the top of Vee’s head before settling into the couch. They were going to wake up with cricks in their necks, but Logan couldn’t care about that right now, not as he watched the slow rise and fall of his official boyfriend’s chest. The only thing he cared about right now was sitting in his arms and he felt the same way as Logan. Yes, that was all that mattered.

Graduation was a boring ceremony but soon both men were official college graduates. They went back to Logan’s hometown to celebrate with Roman and Patton who had graduated a week earlier. Patton’s squeal when Logan told them about Virgil and his blossoming relationship almost made him envy Virgil, but you know not really because he would never downgrade Virgil like that. Roman sat there with a smug grin on his face like he had planned it all out himself. And yet, Logan couldn’t care because his boyfriend was holding his hand and giving him on of his shy smiles and Logan was sure his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

The pair got an apartment and Virgil put his English degree to good use and set up his own online editing service where he could work from home and avoid large crowds. Logan unsurprisingly became a science teacher for the local high school. Virgil was encouraging him to go back to school for his masters because he knew Logan really wanted to teach college. Life was good. Actually it was better than good because whenever Logan got home and saw Virgil hunched over a computer screen (He keeps telling his love it’s bad for his back) or dancing around the kitchen his heart would fill up and Logan would get so close to crying at how lucky he got.

Today was a bad day though. Stupid kids didn’t want to listen, and he stayed late to grade quizzes because his home time was devoted to Virgil and then his car had a flat. So, by the time he reached his sanctuary Logan felt like screaming at the top of his lungs. He walked in the door and flicked the lights in case Virgil was nearby, before taking off his shoes. A shadow fell over him and he looked up to see Virgil smiling down at him, Logan straightened before kissing his boyfriend on the lips, which turned slightly more heated per Virgil’s direction. Finally they broke apart, slightly breathless and Virgil took Logan’s hand and pulled him over to the couch where he had set up a movie night. “Big Hero Six.” Virgil had already set up drinks and Logan could smell the popcorn wafting from the kitchen. Virgil turned to presumably go retrieve the must-have movie snack when Logan caught his elbow.

Questioning brown eyes turned on him and Logan felt his heart do another turn.

“I love you.”

His love’s eyes widened, his jaw falling open a bit and Logan thinks he’s screwed up until Virgil pulls him into a searing kiss. He pushes them back apart and signs back

**I love you too. I love you. I love you so much.**

They kiss once more before Virgil insists he has to get the popcorn. Then they settle into a movie night sharing soft kisses throughout the movie and Logan knows he’s the happiest he’s ever going to be.

~~~~

One year later finds Logan sitting at home reading when the door thuds open and closed. Rapid, soft footsteps get closer until Virgil is looking down at Logan, nervously wringing his hands.

Logan sets his book down and signs, _What’s the matter my love?_

Virgil gestures for Logan to stand up which he does after a moment’s hesitation and Virgil practically drags him to the window, where they shared their first kiss. The nervous one held up a finger and finished readjusting their positioning. Logan felt thoroughly confused but let Virgil do what he needed to do, hoping his love didn’t send himself into an attack.

Virgil must have felt everything was in place because he looked up at Logan with love and what one could possibly describe as fear before he started signing.

**Logan. I love you with everything I have. You are the first person to truly accept me for me and let me know that while you were there if I needed help, you would also step back and let me succeed on my own. I never felt alive until our friendship and I wanted to surprise you.** Logan slightly raised his eyebrows as Virgil plowed on. **I have been taking speech classes secretly so that I could do this for you.**

With that Virgil cleared his throat multiple times and enunciating each word slowly spoke in a low, raspy voice. “I… Love… You.” The emo looked to his boyfriend shyly and waited. Unfortunately for him, Logan stopped functioning. His ribs burned and he carefully unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the phrase he looked at with contempt for all these years and it was softly glowing. Virgil looked between Logan’s face and ribs before realizing what this meant. He brought a hand up to his mouth as tears started pouring down his face and Logan still hadn’t said anything. Instead he stood frozen like a statue and Virgil began to worry he broke his boyfriend. He carefully tapped Logan on the shoulder and the taller man’s head whipped up to stare Virgil in the eyes. Tears pricked at Logan’s eyes and he slowly let go of his ribs to take Virgil carefully into his arms and hug him to his chest, letting the tears fall. They stayed like that for quite some time. Logan pulled back far enough to tilt his lover’s head up and kiss him ever so softly.

They stayed locked in embrace when Logan spoke. “I love you too. So very much. Virgil you are my everything.”

They shared another soft kiss, which Virgil broke and pushed back. Logan started to protest until he saw him get down on one knee, pulling a small box out from his pocket. Then in the same raspy low tone, Virgil broke Logan apart. “Will you… marry… me?”

Logan dropped to his knees as soon as he finished, whispering, “yes, yes, yes. Of course I’ll marry you Virge.”

Virgil’s smile widened as he slipped the ring on Logan’s finger and then they were kissing again. They kissed and took pictures to send to Patton and Roman who sent back a string of emojis letting the couple know they were happy for them.

They finally moved their activities to the couch where they lay inseparable, just how they like it and once again Logan couldn’t believe how wrong he was; because right now, he was even happier than ever before and while he didn’t think that humanly possible, he felt it. Virgil made him feel like this. The love of his love. His soulmate. That still threw Logan for a loop. He softly apologized to whatever oversaw soulphrases because he understood now. He finally understood and yet, he didn’t care. Because yet again, the only thing that mattered was the soft emo laying in his arms. His best friend. The love of his life. His fiancé. His soulmate.


End file.
